Getting to know you...

Today as I sit at work the sudden urge to begin blocking struck. My writing is not the best, my topics are probably skewed, and the things I find interesting enough to write about could very well be few and far between. However, I want to give this a shot. More for me then for anyone else in the hopes that this will be insightful and cathartic. I'm very sure that my topics will have a wide range. I'm married, have the best dog ever, love DIY, attempting to work out and get in shape (even though I hate every second of it), come from the best family in the world, lost my mom and awesome friend and amazing cook almost 4 years ago, love doing nursing, and trying to love cooking again. So here goes nothing...

After almost 5 years together my husband and I have decided to try for a baby! Yes so exciting; however, it's terrifying at times. You think, "Oh, awesome idea. We will just stop our birth control and get pregnant."  Wrong. It turns into the, "Omg, what if we can't get pregnant." "What if it is the wrong time when it actually happens." "What if the baby turns out messed up, or what if we are destined to be bad parents and we screw it up." I mean I could go on and on with the list of "What ifs" that popped into my head. Obsessing about becoming pregnant has consumed every free space of my mind. Any twinge in my body is, "Holy shit is that a baby??" You know it is ridiculous and irrational and for some crazy reason you cannot stop yourself. 

Through it all my husband has been super patient. We have been trying for about 3 months and I think he has heard more about my body that he ever desired to hear. The man has heard the question, "Are you excited about trying too?" more than any one person should have to endure and I just can't seem to stop myself. Bless his heart he is the kindest most patient man I know. I have made him start avoiding many things he loves likes boxer briefs, hot tubs, and baths. Anything that might damage sperm is out of our bedroom window! Maybe blogging will stop the crazies...or at least some of them. 


As for right now I haven't jumped on the crazy train of the temping and charting and graphing my lady cycle life. I have a feeling though if I wasn't on nights and borderline insomniac I might have. For now we are playing it by ear and for some reason I thought I needed 3 paragraphs to lay that out there. Again, I mentioned, warned, hinted, etc that I was obsessed. 


Also, in our lives we are waiting on job information. We both have great jobs that make good money and offer us mostly what we want in life. There is still something just not quite perfect though. We both feel as if we need to make a difference and we are made to do something more to honor God fully and to be fulfilled fully. I'm a nurse and I love being a nurse, but I want to use more of my skills. It is important to me to help more than just the rich and insured. Those who have nothing pull at my heart and I don't know how to help. Merging that feeling and that draw with my urges to have a family and babies is the hardest question of my adult life. How far do you go before you are no longer doing what God wants and you're following only what you want? How do I know the difference? The biggest questions I want answered right now are so simple. What is God's plan for me and how do I follow His plan? I"m hoping to figure that out while not being too worried about this "becoming" stage (word stolen from an awesome, smart, singer, friend of mine). 


We have a ton of new beginning stuff on the horizon. New jobs, different jobs that will hopefully be our fully career jobs, new house, baby (maybe?), potentially a new state (depending on husbands search). It's a lot to think about and work through, but we are strong and He is stronger and I am ready for every second of it. 


Sorry this is so long, they will be shorter and hopefully slightly more entertaining. Looking forward to filling it with pictures, recipes, dream home pictures, struggles and triumphs, and hopefully some occasional DIY attempts.