Decisions, decisions

Decisions must be made. Life must go on. Things must change. 

The above is something I have gotten very used to in the past few years. I lost my mother almost 4 years ago to a freak motorcycle wreck hardest experience of my own life and my married life, my Nanny and both my aunts had horrific health issues, 7 family members died in a year and a half, I finished school and got a big girl job, my husband and I have moved what feels like a hundred times, my husband joined the military, my dad went back to school, my brother is in the process of growing up yay!, my husband's mom left her dumb husband, his dad has changed and moved on. I mean I could go on forever about all of the changes over just the last couple of years.

My husband and I have officially decided that we are tired.  We are sick and tired of waiting.  Our life has felt like nothing but waiting for the past 5 years, at minimum. We are tired.  He finally told me today in exact, no nonsense words, that we was so thankful I have let him pursue his dreams and make all kinds of changes and demands for our family of two.  He says that he has decided not to pursue the job that would move us right now, and that he is willing to hang out and let me actually find a job I love. I mean the job he was pursuing would change everything.  How and where we live, when we could start a family, delay buying a house to figure out where we will go, and so on.

I can't express in words how this makes me feel.  I was utterly thrilled for the prospect of the new job until the waiting game turned into 5 months with no notice or mention of it. I was excited at the prospect of moving, and then here we are 5 months later with no word.  I will wait until the end of time to make that man happy, but I can't tell you how pleased I am to be given the opportunity to find my true joy.  I love love love being a nurse.  Every second of the day I'm proud it's my job; however, my current job field is not my passion. So...

Today I look for my passion. I choose to take this time offered to me by my sweet, amazing husband to find the true joy of work in my life. I will be looking daily for jobs.  I will be praying daily for God to show me the way.  This has actually given me some peace.  I have been planning and trying to figure out the changes in our lives and they have been too far up in the air for me to see. Not any more. 

We will try to have a baby, look for a house here (30 minutes away from family no matter how much guilt one in particular tries to lay on), and find me a dream job.  Get me my dream experience, so that I may move with him and take my dream job wherever we may go. 

That being said...anyone know a way to get me a GN/internship spot on an ER or mom/baby floor feel free to comment. Ha! ;-)  

It's an odd feeling to be thinking about just what I want to do job wise, and having the joy of my husband taking the load off for a few months to let me figure out me.   

Again... decisions must be made.  Life must go on.  Things must change.